No ‘crisis’ here, assert Blatter and Masondo

FIFA president, Sepp Blatter, has requested the help of former Johannesburg mayor, Amos Masondo, to accurately define the term ‘crisis’ and develop an alternate term for future foul-ups.

On the day on which Blatter was re-elected for a fourth term as president of football’s governing body, it was revealed by a source close to Masondo that the soccer honcho wanted to get together with the ex-mayor to put pay to the term ‘crisis’, once and for all.

This followed the Swiss codger’s denial that FIFA was in crisis, after allegations of bribery led to two senior members quitting, and many more executives under the spotlight for corruption.

“Crisis, what is a crisis?” Blatter told a news conference following an executive committee meeting.

In January this year, Masondo, too, struggled with the c-word. He referred to the fact that thousands of Johannesburg residents’ services were cut off, or that they received bills alleging that they’d run up electricity and rates’ bills amounting, literally, to millions of rand, merely as a ‘challenge’, vehemently denying that there was a crisis unfolding.

According to Demigod Mtshonga, a member of the Crisis Team for the Avoidance of the Term Crisis  (CTATC), “Mr Blatter sent a telegram and a Tweet to Mr Masondo, asking to meet at the News Café in Fredman drive, Sandton, this weekend, when the FIFA boss’s schedule opens up a bit.”

Both nay-sayers have been spotted poring over the ‘C’ section of the Oxford English Dictionary in preparation for the meeting. Mtshonga divulged that a task-team of English language professors has also been established in order to suggest a variety of substitutes for the term crisis – a word, which has been banned both in ex-Gauteng mayoral circles, as well as throughout the football world.

The leaked suggestions thus far for a replacement term include “pickle”, “stew” and “fix”. “Right fucking balls-up” was repeatedly scratched off the list.

Advertisements

6 Responses to No ‘crisis’ here, assert Blatter and Masondo

  1. Charmskool says:

    I would appreciate it greatly if you will pop in to the News Cafe in Fredman Drive, Sandton for me this weekend if you can find the time and submit the following offerings on my behalf to Messrs Blatter and Masondo:
    Spot of Bother, Cock-up, Bit of a bind, Almighty Bugger-up, SNAFU (system normal all fucked up), and please will you give each of them a plain white t’shirt with the following on the front (I will re-imburse you)DILLIGAF (for your readers who may not know what this means – “Do I Look Like I Give A Fuck”)

  2. Don't Believe a Word I Write says:

    Charm, you’ll be pleased to know that I rush out after work yesterday to have ‘DILLIGAF’ lovingly embroidered on some plain white Ts, which I hope will be liberally distributed at the Blatter-Masondo pow-wow this weekend. I’ve kept a couple aside for you and for me, though naturally, ours are Versace versions

  3. Charmskool says:

    Well done DB! I will watch all press conferences carefully to see if the “happy” couple are wearing their DILLIGAF t’s. Versace versions for us – fab-u-lous!

  4. Tamara says:

    @Charm: Wow. You’re like a proper thesaurus 😉

  5. Don't Believe a Word I Write says:

    Tamara, Charm is evidently a mighty talented lady. We should take notes from her.

  6. Charmskool says:

    Thank you ladies – dips head modestly

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: