Fikile Mbalula ‘collapses’

According to the newspaper sans editors, The New Age (ok, perhaps it has a few editors now, though that’s questionable), sports minister Fikile Mbalula collapsed during a Cabinet meeting  yesterday. The alleged cause was ‘flu-like symptoms’, according to would-be Coloured-people disperser, Jimmy Manyi, government spokesperson, who added that Mbalula would be back at work today, a day after he fell down and evidently, his heart stopped.

However, SAPA claims The New Age reported that an anonymous government  official at the meeting had this to say, which has got to be one of the funniest quotes I’ve read yet by a bureaucrat:

“They administered a CPR [sic] and used a defibrillator to ease his breathing before strapping him to a stretcher and wheeling him out to the hospital… “

They used a DEFIBRILLATOR to EASE his breathing?!?!

If by ‘ease his breathing’ they surely meant ‘start his failed heart’, well then, yes.

My guess is that someone who required “a CPR” and the use of a defibrillator is not all that predisposed to be back at work the next day, but let it not be said that Fikile Mbalula wastes the taxpayer’s rand.

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5 Responses to Fikile Mbalula ‘collapses’

  1. Charmskool says:

    Lord! What a stoic! A CPR and a defibrillator (to ease his breathing?) and he’s back at work the next day. Do I feel like a total wuss because I took the day off work yesterday because I hurt my neck and had excruciating neck pain and a humungous headache and the physio made me sorer (sorer? is there such a word) and I felt sorry for myself and stayed home? I surely do! And as for the whimpering I’ve been doing today because the pain is

  2. Charmskool says:

    ooops my fingers are giving trouble cos of my bad neck etc ..because the pain is WORSE! Yup it would appear that I’m a total WUSS and it’s a good thing the taxpayer is not footing the bill for my salary is all I can say.

  3. Don't Believe a Word I Write says:

    You are a ninny, Charm! Evidently your neck requires difibrillation and a CPR in order to become less sorer and to leave you feeling less worserer.

    P.S. Ain’t it grand that I fix *other* people’s English mistakes for a living?

    Blerg.

  4. Charmskool says:

    I am definitely a ninny and I’m scared of the defibrillation and CPR and I think that it’ll surely make me feel much more worserer and more sorer than what I feel now. It’s a good thing that we are so good at grammar hey? There’s something wrong with your spell check – it keeps wanting me to spell definately with no ‘a’ I just don’t get it…..

  5. Don't Believe a Word I Write says:

    Demmit!! I tried to get that spell check to stop being so stupid – It keeps changing my seperate, too! We should rule the world, Charm.

    I wish you a betterer and less-sorer weekend without either a CPR or defibrillation.

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