As the SA Football Association (Safa) kicks around the idea of a potential name change for Bafana Bafana, the national football team, various interested South African parties have approached Safa to have their suggestions heard.
Safa spokesman, Stadium Mashishi, says although the football body cannot confirm that a final choice has been made, he acknowledges that one of the frontrunners for the new moniker is ‘The Zilles’.
“Our team needs to embody the ideals of strength, the ability to pull off unexpected wins, and a bull-terrier-like determination to hang onto the ball at all costs,” explained Mashishi, pausing to order his frazzled secretary to take another message from the leadership of the Democratic Alliance (“Tell Helen I’ll call her back, damnit!”). He added: “There should also be the understanding that the team can play soccer better than they can dance.”
The author of this article is in possession of a top-secret document (a KFC serviette) on which other suggestions were noted by prominent South Africans. In an unfortunate accident, however, the grease from a chicken drumstick obscured all suggestions save those of government spokesman Jimmy Manyi, (“Jou ma se sokka team”) and musician and activist, Steve Hofmeyr (“Bloody agents”).
A decision is expected soon, after which a directive is expected to be issued by Minister of Sports, Fikile Mbalula, that all ‘Bafana Bafana’ memorabilia be burnt in a massive bonfire to be held outside the Soccer City stadium in Soweto, commemorating the name change.