A number of indisputable facts remind me on ever more frequent occasions, that I am not the same person I was when I was 19. I have some grey hair now – probably around 15 regular strands, if I were to count them instead of pulling them out. I cannot stay out very late if I have been working since 8.30, and I have certainly become a lot more selective about what I consider to be ‘fun’. I haven’t naturally slept later than 9.30 a.m in about three years. I’ve even started to ask myself, on occasion, what makes me do the things I do.
I’ve also come to loathe almost every kind of award show. Whereas, as a music-video obsessed teenager, I would be unable to tear my eyes away from the MTV music awards, and would watch even the most lame tributes during the Oscars ceremony, today I can barely stomach a post-event five-minute package showing some winners and some fashion.
Therefore, when I read yesterday that a major overhaul of the Grammy awards has been approved, it made me wonder if those spy fellows had been rooting around in my brain again and had decided they liked what they saw (particularly in the temporal lobe, which I’ve devoted to studying the history of songs about candyfloss).
The Reuters article states that Grammy organisers have announced that they will cut the number of award categories from 109 to 78.
“Recording Academy president Neil Portnow said the changes followed discussions that involved ‘some pretty passionate discomfort’ and would be ‘a little unsettling’ to some musicians.”
But he said a restructuring was necessary to maintain the ”prestige of the highest and only peer-recognised award in music”.
Television viewers will not notice the changes, since only about 10 awards are announced during the three-and-a-half hour telecast. The rest are handed out earlier in the day during a fast-paced ceremony that is broadcast on the Internet.”
Oh my god, only 10 AWARDS ARE HANDED OUT DURING THE 3.5 HOUR TV SHOW??!! Surely that has to be someone’s definition of sanctioned torture?
“In a move likely to draw howls of protest, the relatively new awards for Hawaiian and Native American albums have been dropped. The nominees often turn up to the Grammys in full regalia, grateful for the opportunity to receive mainstream attention for their cult recordings. They will now vie for a new category, regional roots music album, alongside contenders from the similarly discontinued Zydeco and Cajun category.”
Answer me honestly, dear readers, does that previous paragraph not sound exactly like something that could have been written for Hayibo? C’mon, the Zydeco and Cajun category?!? (Zydeco apparently refers to “a form of American roots or folk music. It evolved in southwest Louisiana in the early 19th century from forms of Creole music. The rural black Creoles of southwest Louisiana and southeast Texas still sing in Louisiana Creole French.”)
Sadly, after having read the article, it became clear that no, there was no rooting around in my brain being done. If there were, changes would include the award ceremony now being been half an hour long with no performances allowed by people who patently cannot sing live, thereby disqualifying for life the Black Eyed Peas, Lady Gaga, Elton John, Kesha, Miley Cyrus and Katie Perry.
No acceptance speeches would be allowed, and each winner would have to eat a tripe sandwich.
Lucky I’m not in charge, eh?