Judging…people who pretend to swear

I’m not a hater of people who like to swear. Similarly, I am not a hater of people who do not like to swear… I used to be one of those. Happily, I’ve realised the distinct satisfaction of bellowing out ‘fuck you!’ when walking into inanimate objects, or referring to certain annoying individuals as a ‘cunt’ on the rare occasion, though largely ‘dickhead’ is my vulgarity of choice.

What gets my goat is hearing and reading people pretending to swear. They play at cussin’, so much so that they end up making up non-existent words designed, they believe, to mean roughly the same as, say, ‘it is fucked’. Ridiculous words which highlight, with glaring clarity, that although they really want to let rip and risk being regarded as foul-mouthed, uncouth and trashy, they can’t really risk upsetting their friends or family or their lord or their co-workers or whatever.

Yes, there are times and places. Telling your great aunt that you don’t want another fucking slice of her cocksucking fruit cake is probably a bit of overkill, even if the fruit cake is utterly awful and full of raisins. However, in general, the fact is as follows: Either you swear, or you don’t. Don’t make up stupid-arsed half-swear words that would be acceptable in god’s judgey eyes, or people who choose to judge on behalf of god, because they don’t actually allude directly to fornication.

In or out … make your choice.


12 Responses to Judging…people who pretend to swear

  1. Aletheia says:

    You mean I can’t say “FRAK!” anymore?



  2. Don't Believe a Word I Write says:

    Howdy Aletheia. He he, yes, ‘Frak’ is most definitely out. On the upside, at least you wrote ‘damn’, instead of ‘darn’. Fight any instinct to yell ‘darn’ the next time you accidentally delete a 3000-word report – either it’s ‘fuuuuuuck!’ or ‘oh no’.
    By the way, welcome! 🙂

  3. Black Dog says:

    I was going to post a link to Ursula Le Guins’ recent rant about swearing, but I am distracted by the thought of fruitcake.

    It’s not the raisins that get me, it’s the orange peel… but if you put marzipan icing on it, I don’t care if it’s full of dead rats.

  4. HotGuy43 says:

    Oh f*** – you’re still in a seriously grumpy, not to say misanthropic, mood. 🙂

  5. Charmskool says:

    Ohhh helicopter you seem to feel very deeply about these issues – Oh flubbit I do think that the Lord will be deeply offended by the way you keep saying fuck and shit and cunt and dickhead in His (ever-present) presence. Please consider saying flub, shower, country and richard head instead. I will pray for you in the interim.

  6. DBAWIW says:

    Cuz J, MARZIPAN??! Struth, that makes it even worse (if possible). I sought out that link you threatened to post and read it… ha ha ha, that woman is grand. I thoroughly enjoyed her rant. Say… do you know how to swear in Japanese? And, in general, what do you feel the Japanese take is on swearing in public?

  7. DBAWIW says:

    HotGuy, it’s not misanthropic if everyone genuinely is hateful and worthy of scorn. 😉

    I’ll have you know that I’m lovely when I’m grumpy. No wait,the other one … fucking awful.

  8. DBAWIW says:

    Charm, again you make me chuckle so …oh helicopter?!!?! Tell me you haven’t really heard people spout that?

    Thank you for your kind offer to pray for me, if by ‘pray’ you mean ‘laugh’ and if by ‘for me’ you mean ‘at me’. Have a fucking awesome day now, y’hear?!

  9. Charmskool says:

    Have really actually truly heard Ruby on that annnnnnoyingggg tv show say Helicopter on a number of occasions. For some equally annoying but inexplicable reason she says ‘HACKY’ instead of Happy!!!!!!!!

  10. Tamara says:

    I don’t swear. Much. I do say frik. And I will not desist. It has a strange violence to it that I like.

    But lines must be drawn… I heard someone say “Monkey butt” the other day. ?!?!?

  11. DBAWIW says:

    Charm, who is Ruby? Ruby Wax?

    Tamara…. no. Oh no ho ho ho, sorry. ‘Frik’ does not count as a swear word or any representation of disgruntlement. I heartily suggest you try ‘fuck’ – it has the violence you are looking for when using ‘frik’ without sounding silly. Or, try ‘OH NO!!!!”. In or out, Tamara …. I’m watching you, as that AWFUL lying child in the Ultramel Treat advert intones to the budgie.

  12. Tamara says:

    Thanking my lucky stars I haven’t seen the ad in question. I don’t like custard in the first place. Add budgies and its about unbearable.

    Sticking with frik. Sorry for you 😉

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