Child overload

Yesterday began with root canal at the dentist and ended a little while after three hours of my neighbour’s niece having a tantrum. Relatively speaking, then, the root canal was the best part of the day, even when the dental nurse was holding a firing blow torch just above my chest, and the dentist was heating up something which would then be shoved deep into my tooth’s canals.

Following that, I had lunch with a friend and her six-week-old baby. This involved the baby having to be breastfed three times during our two-hour lunch (which doesn’t bother me as my friend is discreet and uses an apron-type thing to ensure that neither baby nor boob is seen), and a crying fit so prolonged that it meant we were those people I usually glare at when their children make a racket. I also managed to drive over someone’s foot with the bloody pram, which I was asked to push while my friend tried to get her child to sleep by carrying her.

As I was bidding my friend and her now-sleeping infant goodbye, I happened upon a +-3-4 year old having a massive shit-fit in the same shopping centre. Even after her extremely frustrated mother walloped her a few times on the bum, she continued to wail and force herself to expel some tears.

Relieved to be home at last after the tumult of the morning and early afternoon, I settled down to do some work, only to be privy to the private, ongoing fight between my neighbour’s niece and the kid’s mother, who was *this* far away from leaving her child with my neighbour and never returning. Three hours followed of screaming, cajoling, more screaming, fighting and doors slamming.

In between that, I had a once-removed neighbour’s kid playing ‘three blind mice’ and ‘Mary had a little lamb’ repeatedly and off-key on the trumpet. WHO ALLOWS THEIR SIX-YEAR-OLD TO LEARN THE FUCKING TRUMPET???!!

Finally, I had another neighbour’s kids playing ‘Cinderella and her evil step-sisters’, which involved having to overhear an evil step-sister shouting at Cinderella to clean up shit, and Cinderella complaining to real mother that her ‘step-sister’ was being mean to her.

Christ.

If I were the Minister of Health, I’d legalise the use of morphine drops for the sedation of children. It would certainly result in a drop in the use of headache tablets for everyone else.

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5 Responses to Child overload

  1. Tamara says:

    I am constantly amazed at how such small creatures can make such a din. And that’s without a trumpet.

  2. Charmskool says:

    I was going to recommend that you move. But then I realized that it’s unlikely you will find a home anywhere that does not have children in the near vicinity. So that’s when it came to me in a blinding flash! Retirement village. OK so you are going to have to get your gran to stand in as proxy for you during the buying process but after that – peace – although I believe old folks have an annoying habit of checking up on their neighbours to make sure they are alive. Just wear lots of mauve, huge dark glasses and carry alumium walking stick.

  3. HotGuy43 says:

    Children, children everywhere … Ever wonder if maybe the universe is trying to tell you something? Of course, *what* it’s trying to tell you is not immediately apparent. đŸ™‚

  4. dbawiw says:

    While you may be amazed, I am appalled, Tamara, though maybe it’s the same thing? It must be fun to be an infant and have absolutely no shame, though.

    Charm, HA HA HA HA, I swear you have prime real estate in my brain. I have asked my gran a number of times if I could come live in her retirement home and she’s told me that because I’m not quite 65 years old, I am not eligible, and it seems my grandmama won’t commit fraud on my behalf. Curse her ‘morals’!! Bloody ageists (not agents)!

    HotGuy, Ha ha, indeed, those particular lessons are not exactly clear. Do you think it might be telling me that I should open a kiddie day-care centre?

  5. […] cars, I am the kiss of death to dentists. As mentioned a few times before, I have troubles with my choppers. In the past four years, I’ve used four dentists, two of whom have left the country after […]

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