Dear readers of this here blog
The South African Press Association (SAPA) has published an article on office etiquette. I feel that too many of you arrive at work in your slippers, shorts made out of T-shirt material and toothpaste-encrusted hair.
Too many of you rub up against your bosses/underlings in the lift, ask colleagues to accompany you to the broom cupboard for a ‘stock check’, and slurp fart-smelling soup at your desks.
Thanks to this little article, you can ensure that you have the *best possible office experience*. Don’t think of your workplace as a workplace … think of it as a Permanent /Contracted Lifestyle Enhancement Course, or PLEC or CLEC.
Firstly, we are told that there are many “pitfalls between the office kitchen and conference room”. Better pitfalls than potholes, I reckon, but I am an optimist.
Apparently gossiping with colleagues, getting to familiar with superiors and wearing a ‘far too deeply plunging neckline’ are no-nos. Funny… I thought that not doing your job properly might have been of more concern to organisations, but ya know, what do I know?…I have Kelloggs K flakes in my slip-slops at I type… at work.
Agnes Jarosch, an employee of a German firm ‘dedicated to counselling people about etiquette’ says eating at your desk is bad – really baaaaaaaaaad. Bad like satan.
“[When] I sit at my desk and unpack a steaming hot cutlet that spreads its aroma throughout the bureau, that is inconsiderate toward colleagues,” she said.
Cutlet? I eat rice cake for lunch at work. Or tuna straight outta the can.
In terms of window open/window closed or aircon on/aircon off, these are dilemmas that the brightest office etiquette minds in Germany and Belgium have been applying themselves to. Their well-thought out and deeply intuitive answer is …they dunno.
Moving onto grooming, and it seems that popped collars are hot!!! Actually, maybe I misunderstood what a top human groomer had to say about the collar, but he was unequivocal about wrinkled T-shirts: “[A ]colleague who wears a wrinkled T-shirt to work signals to his colleagues that he doesn’t care what impression he makes on them. That isn’t much appreciated.”
I must say, I’ve always hated my colleagues more when they wear T-shirts, as I feel they are copying my style; a style that many years of not owning an iron nor a business suit have allowed me to cultivate and perfect.
Finally, women are told that they should ‘…uphold the business dress code unfailingly’, although this groomer did say women can get away with ‘wearing bright colours these days’. That’s unless you work for an Amish concern. He warns, though, that we women should also ‘occasionally dress in a solid colour’, which makes me happy because I’ve just not known when I might have the opportunity, once again, to wear my lumo-orange jump suit. Best I be hunting down a pair of orange shoes.
Thank you for your attention, readers. Go forth and impress your colleagues. And if not, sleep with them.