I used to be afraid that if I didn’t get married and have children, I’d turn into a relative around my mother’s age who wears purple outfits everyday. She wears purple pants, lavender tops, soft mauve jackets. Her nails are painted purple and when she shops for groceries, she uses purple shopping bags – I know because I saw her once in the queue at Woolworths, and I pretended to read the YOU Magazine in order to avoid making eye contact (OK, everything is true in that sentence except the word ‘pretend’)..
Even her home’s walls are apparently painted purple – I’ve fortunately never been invited to see this wonder, so I can’t attest to this but my relatives who have cracked the nod have reported this as fact.
She wears so much purple, I imagine, because people know it as ‘her thing’. I’ll bet she regards herself as a woman who lives her own unique style, and not as the balmy, irritating, know-it-all crackpot she really is.
My fear about turning into this woman should I not ‘live the dream’ of marriage and kids was exacerbated, however, upon meeting a certain woman who helps out at my workplace occasionally in order to make a few bob. She does basic work, such as stuffing the irritating bumf one throws away, into magazines. She was married, and I am unsure if she is divorced or widowed.
Today this woman is wearing a tracksuit that could have been taken from the wardrobe of the cheer-leading coach in ‘Glee‘. Not quite pastel blue, this matching track outfit is eye-catching in the same way a car accident on the side of the road is.
This woman brings her dog with her wherever she goes. When I referred to her ‘hound’ yesterday, she shot me a death glare, saying the dog was her child and not a hound.
Ouch. She’s lucky I didn’t call the dog a rat, which is the animal it most closely resembles.
This woman won’t shop at places that won’t allow her dog in. I imagine all her friends are forced to allow the cur in when this woman comes a-visiting, and that she takes pride, just like Purple P does, in thinking she’s eccentric and interesting for schlepping this mangy beast with her wherever she goes.
*This* is the person I fear becoming.