The crazy I don’t wanna be

I used to be afraid that if I didn’t get married and have children, I’d turn into a relative around my mother’s age who wears purple outfits everyday. She wears purple pants, lavender tops, soft mauve jackets. Her nails are painted purple and when she shops for groceries, she uses purple shopping bags – I know because I saw her once in the queue at Woolworths, and I pretended to read the YOU Magazine in order to avoid making eye contact (OK, everything is true in that sentence except the word ‘pretend’)..
Even her home’s walls are apparently painted purple – I’ve fortunately never been invited to see this wonder, so I can’t attest to this but my relatives who have cracked the nod have reported this as fact.

She wears so much purple, I imagine, because people know it as ‘her thing’. I’ll bet she regards herself as a woman who lives her own unique style, and not as the balmy, irritating, know-it-all crackpot she really is.

My fear about turning into this woman should I not ‘live the dream’ of marriage and kids was exacerbated, however, upon meeting a certain woman who helps out at my workplace occasionally in order to make a few bob. She does basic work, such as stuffing the irritating bumf one throws away, into magazines. She was married, and I am unsure if she is divorced or widowed.

Today this woman is wearing a tracksuit that could have been taken from the wardrobe of the cheer-leading coach in ‘Glee‘. Not quite pastel blue, this matching track outfit is eye-catching in the same way a car accident on the side of the road is.

This woman brings her dog with her wherever she goes. When I referred to her ‘hound’ yesterday, she shot me a death glare, saying the dog was her child and not a hound.
Ouch. She’s lucky I didn’t call the dog a rat, which is the animal it most closely resembles.

This woman won’t shop at places that won’t allow her dog in. I imagine all her friends are forced to allow the cur in when this woman comes a-visiting, and that she takes pride, just like Purple P does, in thinking she’s eccentric and interesting for schlepping this mangy beast with her wherever she goes.

*This* is the person I fear becoming.


10 Responses to The crazy I don’t wanna be

  1. Charmskool says:

    That’s ok – it won’t happen to you – because you are already a crazy cat lady! A tall (not as tall as her sister but tall) one at that. Also marriage – not so much of a dream – more a nightmare.

  2. DBAWIW says:

    Charm, I love ya, despite pointing out that I am not as tall as my sister (THANKS ORANGE POM!!! 😉 ).

    Ja, sounds like your life is pretty decent after awakening from your ‘mare. By the way, I’ve decided to wear only leopard skin print from now, whaddaya think?

  3. Don't Believe a Word I Write says:


    The woman with the dog is wearing another tracksuit like the one she wore yesterday, in a different colour. She *IS* that ‘Glee’ character.

  4. Charmskool says:

    Maybe not leopard skin print. Lavender is good for crazy cat ladies – leopard skin print is over the top. I am mostly fond of black, olive green, brown, and more black – but then I’m a crazy dog lady (too short to be a crazy cat lady) and we like something that shows off all the shedded dog hair.

  5. Black Dog Barking says:

    I used to fear that I would become that recluse who lives alone with nothing but his collection of automatic weapons to keep him company.

    Then I learned the truth: Others people should fear me.

    I, for my part, am terrified of cat ladies in purple.

    — BDB

    PS I am also deathly afraid of ducks.

  6. mmmarty says:

    hahahaha! This was hilarious!

  7. dbawiw says:

    Charm, I once wore a lavender dress for a former friend for whom I was a maid of honour. I blame that colour for the demise of our friendship.

    Cuz BDB…hahaha, ducks!!! Sorry, does my laughing at your fear make you want to dip into your arsenal and plot vicious revenge plots?


    Howdy MMMarty and welcome. Do you have cats? Ducks?

  8. Bec says:

    HAHAHAHA! I for one would welcome you in either your purple robes or with mangy dog in tow.

  9. Don't Believe a Word I Write says:

    Oh my god, Bec, I’ve just noticed that the set of bathroom towels I’m using this week is lavender. Screeeeeeeeeeee!!! I appreciate your non -judgemental stance towards the raving purple canine/feline crazy I might become. Ta!!

  10. […] This woman, who helps out at my workplace: Oh, I just reread my old books because new books are too expensive. […]

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