Being 8 years old

My ploy to mess with a member of staff has gone awry. This woman is violently attached to her awful rose-emblazoned mug and has been witnessed shouting at individuals daring to use it without knowing it belonged to her.

I thus took to hiding the mug among all the other mugs, simply because this woman did not like the fact that they were moved to this area, and ordered the mug washer to put hers back in the old spot. This has caused me great mirth imagining her response.

Today, however, I noticed that she was not overly perturbed upon noticing it out of place. Could be because she’d just had dental work and was a little fixated on her newly repaired broken tooth and ensuing numbness of mouth. So I did the only thing to mess with her I could think of: I told her she was drooling.

In what some would say is divine vengeance, my eyes have felt like fiery pits of hell today, and I have consequently spent much of it with my contact lenses marinating in saline in Ben 10 plastic cups marked ‘L’ and ‘R’ with Tippex, in a bid to let my orbs recover.

I learnt a few things from this:

1) Having the monitor 40cm from my nose and Word set to font 12 at 120% magnification is a drag.

2) Not being able to gauge if my colleague across the room is talking to me or someone else is less fun than I thought it would be

3) There is no way in hell I would have been able to have driven home without my contacts without a tree or pedestrian meeting my car’s bumper.

4) Why there is a pile of Ben 10 plastic cups in my office is beyond me.

Who of you have had Lasic? Would you recommend it?

Or should I save the cash and have a boob lift/reduction?

These are important questions, I expect thoughtful answers, you lot!


3 Responses to Being 8 years old

  1. Louisa says:

    Hahaha! I can just imagine her with that cup. Have you perhaps thought of replacing it with one that has different roses on it just for shits and giggles. Make sure not to where your contacts that day and if she asks about it tell her it looks the same to you?

    I know people who’ve been for the eye surgery and are very happy about it. I know some other people who are too freaked out by the potential of things that can go wrong too. I’m just in awe of anyone who can actually get a contact into their eye – I’m such a ninny that I can’t even put drops in mine without closing it first.

    Yeah…perhaps I’m not the best person to ask this question to.

  2. Black Dog Barking says:

    I’m holding out for bionic eyes that glow red in the dark and put targeting crosshairs over people who piss me off.

    Failing that, I’m getting a boob job.

  3. dbawiw says:

    hahahah, Louisa, that sounds like the perfect plan. In fact, I am going shopping for a crappy rose-mug today.
    Thanks for the tips!!

    Cuz JF, I would very much like to be the first person to observe your boob job. There are lovely surgery-safaris in SA, and I’d be happy to put you up… as long as you flash me yer boobs.

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