Fifa president, Sepp Blatter, has promised that any referee at the Brazil 2014 football World Cup will have played at least three years of primary school level football himself and have watched no fewer that five under-10 football matches, in order to be considered for duty.
Blatter undertook to revise the referee selection processes ahead of after a disappointing performance by the 2010 World Cup’s match officials in South Africa.
“I expected more from these referees. We chose some of the finest South African car guards, Homeless Talk vendors and primary school physical education teachers. It has been a most enormous disappointment to see how many blunders they’ve made,” Blatter told reporters at a press conference held at the bus shelter at the corner of Bree and Market streets in the Jo’burg CBD.
Blatter’s announcement was met with rage and disbelief by the board of SOCCA (Stumblebum, Outcast, Car guard and Con artist Association).
“This is outrageous!!” blurted Red-card Radebe, general secretary of SOCCA and a grade five P.E. teacher at Wendywood Primary School.
“I learnt to bounce a football five times consecutively on my head for this tournament and gave up eating Woolworth’s chocolate chip ice-cream, and this is the thanks I get?”
Acknowledging some of the criticism levelled against the match officials, SOCCA’s head of trumpeting, Goal-post Koekemoer, blamed the poor performance by his fellow officials on the droan of the vuvuzela, but Blatter would have none of that.
“No more homeless as referees!” he shouted. “From now on, only people who have a passion and love for the game, and who need glasses only to read should apply. Now where’s that fucking MetroBus when you need it?”