The Colourful Canine and I saw the movie, ‘An Education’, this weekend. In a most remarkable turn of events, this movie has been nominated for three Academy Awards this year. This British movie is billed as a ‘coming-of-age drama’ which
‘narrates [the lead character] Jenny’s metaphorical ‘education’ in the wider sense of learning lessons about life. Yet it obviously also deals with her education in the narrower, literal sense of the word.’
Put delicately, this was a fucking awful movie.
Seriously, as bad as Mugabe.
I would give it a zero out of 10 if it weren’t for Emma Thompson’s tiny role as the anti-Semitic, kind of nuts headmistress, who uttered the hilarious line, “The Jews killed Our Lord!" As a result of her two scenes, the movie earned a solid 0.5 out of 10.
The lead actress was someone called Carey Mulligan, who should never again be cast in anything barring Plaster of Paris, and then only if it keeps her out of movies for the rest of her life (or mine). Awful actress, irritating and utterly unbelievable as an anything other than a so-called Audrey Hepburn look-alike.
Peter Sarsgaard played David, the older, allegedly good-looking man who seduces Carey Mulligan’s character, Jenny, with her parents’ permission. As the Colourful Canine remarked, this guy was creepy from the word go. There was nothing vaguely romantic about Jenny’s and David’s relationship. Their weekend in Paris, filmed with all the requisite posing and pouting and running up stairs to the sound of 60s French music, was banal and would have been amusing if it were a parody.
If only a few more Oscar categories could have been added to the list this year, as this movie would have been a shoo-in for the following prizes:
Movie scene that was meant to be humorous but was actually horrifyingly disturbing: David’s decision to produce a banana while in bed, to get Jenny’s messy virginity out of the way before using his penis.
Movie that neglects to really interrogate the messages it makes a big deal of gesturing towards: Jenny’s realisation that an Oxford (or any) education for a woman is really *only ever* necessary if that woman has been dumped by a man who was going to provide financially for her.
Movie most heavily reliant on stereotype: There is no other option but for Jenny’s excellent, pretty but obviously lesbian and alone English teacher, to be dull and gay – the ultimate threat of female education. There’s no other way to be an educated woman. There’s no other way to be gay.
The only lesson that can be drawn from the movie is not to get into cars with strangers. See anything other than this movie, please. Watch a marathon of ‘Harold and Kumar’ movies; watch home movies of your great aunt and uncle’s trip to Pakistan in 1970; watch a three-hour instructional video on crocheting.
Just don’t watch ‘An Eduction’.