Cast your mind back a few years to the year 2001. Tall buildings in New York went up in flames, caves in Afghanistan topped the list of Places Not to Be, and shoes became the obvious means for smuggling a bomb onto an aeroplane. It was a pretty shit year for world peace and harmony. None of the above-mentioned horrors, however, compare to the true tragedy of 2001…the infliction of Swedish crooner Bosson on the world’s ears.
All through 2001 and some of 2002, we had to deal with Bosson’s squeaky love song, “One in a Million”. Beauty contest organisers could not get enough of this amazingly original and moving tribute to love, and naturally made it the theme advertising jingle to all manner of contest – Miss Pig Farmer S.A; Little Miss Precocious – west Gauteng region; Miss Best Red Lipstick and Cheeks – Boksburg, etc. etc.
Eventually, by late 2002, even Jacaranda FM had stopped playing the tune, and we all were able to turn on the telly without having to watch Bosson’s contorted face as he reached notes no man should ever be able to reach with out having his testicles strangulated.
Jump forward seven or so years, now. Imagine the cold sweat of fear and fury that followed upon switching on my television late last night and seeing Bosson’s hillbilly-esque face, complete with longish, side-parted hair and a goatee, asking “what if I?”
Actually, that’s not the entire truth. I first watched this music video on Sunday, as I lay prone on my couch trying to fight off nausea and diarrhoea resulting from some nasty bug that’s doing the rounds in Joburg right now. Yes, it did occur to me that Bosson was only adding to my feeling so crap, but the video was so masterful that I could not tear my eyes away. That, or I couldn’t find the remote control because I was lying on it.
The highlight of the video is when he manages to squeeze out a genuine tear during an extreme close up, after he’s found to be a lowly stable hand, rather than a rich guest at a wedding. It moved me. To the toilet.
And then it struck me…Bosson must be coming to South Africa! That’s about when the SABC starts flighting bizarre music videos by pseudo-popstars. And yes indeed, Bosson will be inflicting his brand of dolphin calling on Carnival City arena at the end of August.
I must ask, once again, why people like Bosson, Michael Learns to Rock, Dana someone from Belgium, and various taverna singers from Greece are encouraged to perform in South Africa. Perhaps it’s because Madonna won’t?