Today I phoned a doctor’s rooms in order to try set up a time to interview her over the phone. When the receptionist finally answered the call, she huffily told me that she was on a call, and reluctantly asked if I wanted to hold on or call back. I chose the former option, which was a mistake. For the sin of opting to wait it out, I was made to listen to Elvis’s “Love me Tender”…the ‘your call is on hold’ version, which sounds about as close to the original as carob is to chocolate.
Because ‘on hold’ music usually sounds like a six-year-old playing one key of the piano, repeatedly (think of the musical score to “Eyes Wide Shut”), it very rarely sounds like music, and almost never sounds like the song it imitates. And that problem was heightened today because it so happens the “Love me Tender” contains a pretty long string of the same musical note. This had the effect of an extended, single note which sounded just like those machines which tell you someone’s dead on TV. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
Yes. I felt pretty dead after the twelfth repetition. I capitulated…I hung up.
Elevator music, including even that of Kenny G, is better than this kind of noise. Whoever designed and sold that ‘song’ should be forced to listen to his/her ADHD child/nephew/niece/godchild play Chopsticks for twenty straight hours, while bound and gagged.
Hair Today Forgot Tomorrow 
What? You mean you don’t sing along to on hold music? I am shocked and mildly disappointed – I thought the reason they always had that stuff to listen to was because everyone preferred being driven mad by electronic plinking noises to the sound of their own thoughts. Just wait till you have to listen to Telkom’s ADSL helpline music – they play the same song over and over and over and over and over…..and they keep you on hold anything up to 2 hours – I’m serious!
Charmskool, you’ll be pleased to know that I did sing along with the beepy version of Elvis’s classic, until I found my colleagues assembled at my desk with various weapons, including pens (I view pens as weapons).
Did Hellkom make you listen to John Denver’s “Annie’s Song” on panpipes? Or has that changed? What did you do during the two hours that you were kept on hold?