Tomorrow marks three years to the day that I’ve been employed in my current position. This equals the longest period of time I’ve spent at an employer, and it happens that the other was my first formal job.
These three years have, without doubt, been the most bizarre years I’ve spent at an employer. My bosses and colleagues, both past [with some exceptions 😉 ] and present, are the strangest, most unfathomable individuals I have ever met. I’ve worked in radio before, and the fact that this crew outstrips the radio people in the weirdo department, says much.
I feel a little recap is in order now, which may serve as a basis should I ever decide to write a fantasy-horror book or screenplay based on my colleagues in the time that I have known them.
– Three colleagues have died, and 12 other people all related to my one colleague have pegged, in the past three years. Despite this, dying is looked upon unfavourably.
– Email is the preferred choice of communication with fellow colleagues. For example, when the three colleagues died (see above) we were informed via email. When colleagues resign, again an email with the subject line “xxx has resigned” and no message in the body, is circulated to the office.
-Telephone calls are reserved only for those conversations which can be had face-to-face, i.e. when both parties are in the same office at the same time, and sit close enough to each other to be able to smell if the other has been eating garlic.
– Communication of important company information is merely theoretical at this stage.
– IT support is defined as follows: Sort out your own problems, and if you really, really REALLLLLLY can’t, then ask the office manager to assist you. If by ‘assist’ one means ‘grump and huff and puff at you, while making sure you know that you are the dumbest person he’s ever encountered.’
– 2 x bats ; 1000 x cockroaches, infinite invisible biters buried in chairs.
– One brunette white woman who went platinum blonde, let the roots grow out, and is now plum.
– One brunette black woman who veers between platinum blonde and ginger.
– One older man who shaved his head as a result of losing a bet on the rugby, and kept the baldness for six months before he clearly realised he looked like a cancer patient.
Happy work anniversary to me.
Anyone want to offer me a job?