Life has largely been good since last Thursday, 15:45, when my company shut down for two weeks. My holiday commenced with a dinner party at Chocolate Dachshund’s abode, which was memorable and hilarious…not that the two are mutually exclusive. Half an hour before said party was to commence, I received a text message from the hund alerting her guests that the power in her neighbourhood had failed, and that the two chickens she’d purchased that morning with the intention of roasting for our gastronomic pleasure, were off. “Oh my god!” read the SMS. “The chickens have gone off because the fridge has been off! Oh the SMELL! Good god!”
In a Kramer-esque moment, I demanded that she retrieve the foul fowls from the dustbin and return them to the shop, as I found it impossible to believe that chickens could go bad in just nine hours while being kept in a still cool (although not frigid) fridge. Ah well, even if it IS possible, it still would’ve been fun to imagine an irate Dachshund pitching up at the shop with the mouldy chickens and demanding compensation.
So off she went to purchase take away chicken (which were damn tasty, by the way) and at a respectable hour I made my way to her abode, as I have done many times before. This trip was different, however. Firstly, when I turned right at the church I was convinced was the church at which I usually turn right, I ended up somewhere entirely different from where I thought I was going. (Did you enjoy that sentence? I think it has a certain charm.)
I passed no less than four other churches. Ironically, I felt entirely unblessed as I wondered how the hell I managed to get lost going to my friend’s house for, like, the 20th time. Secondly, of no help to me was the electricity-less neighbourhoods I was traversing with no particular skill… neighbourhouds which I now spit upon!
After arriving a full half an hour late, the festivities got underway…if by ‘underway’ I mean ‘some had been drinking for some time prior to my arrival and were pleasantly toasted’. Somehow eating by candlelight brought out the best in everyone, and it was genuinely one of the funniest evenings of my life.
Since then I have watched Seinfeld seasons 1 and 2, and all but the finale of Dexter season 3…I need to know how it ends!!!!!!! Don’t tell me though. I’ve also attempted to become an amphibian as I suspect living in cool water is the only civilised way to exist in Johannesburg at the moment. I spent four hours sweating my way through a shopping centre today with Chicsa Fashionista, as she desperately tried to get me to buy something suitable for my friend C’s wedding in Cape Town on Sunday. Hell is clothes shopping. Pass the chocolate.
Alrighty folks. In case this is it till 2009, hope the festive season treats you festively and be safe.