Enough Already With The Tips to Save Petrol

19 06 08

 
Yet another yawn-yawn article I found (Moneyweb.co.za) is urging me to save petrol by doing just a few “practical things.” I am sick to death of these articles which profess to be helpful but, in fact, really just make me feel more helpless about how much more I’ll be forking out for fuel.

The Automobile Association (AA) mentions, among others, the following tips to conserve petrol:

1.      First-time car buyers should consider a small car with a fuel friendly engine especially at a time when inflation and interest rates are high

2.    Excess baggage in the car should be removed as more weight in the car requires a higher amount of energy to run it

3.    Train yourself to anticipate what is happening around you and in front of you. It is not advisable to drive at a high speed only to brake because the traffic light has gone red

4.    Avoiding peak traffic hours and planning one's routes carefully can save fuel

5.      Air conditioners use up a lot of energy and should be used when it is absolutely necessary. 

 
Why I have a problem with these is summed up below:

1.      I am pretty sure most of the South Africans reading this blog have a car. It is unlikely that I am going to trade in my 1.8 litre Opel Astra for something newer and smaller, simply because anything new or even nearly-new is likely to cost twice as much as the current value of my car. Swapping one’s car for a smaller model is unaffordable for most.

2.      In the normal scheme of things, I have a gym tog bag and an assortment of papers in my boot. Yes, for a four-week period recently I was carting around a microwave, but that was not the norm. I doubt my sneakers weigh all that much, so I can’t see the benefit of removing the bag from my boot, thereby giving me an excuse not to go to gym, consequently leading to my obesity, sky-rocketing cholesterol and untimely death from a cardiac event.

3.      “Train yourself to anticipate what is happening around you and in front of you”…HAHAHAHAHAH!!! Has the AA heard of our S.A. taxis? And, as a result of taxis, the frantic avoidance tactics we other drivers are forced to employ? I would gladly attend such a course teaching us non-taxi drivers how to anticipate what is happening around us if it gave me foolproof advice how to avoid taxis and save petrol concurrently.

4.      Ok everyone, working hours are now 6am to 7pm everyday. Because we all do not have lives outside the office, we can avoid driving anywhere during peak times, and instead can use the extra time at the office to bond with our colleagues. Doesn’t that sound wonderful?

5.      Thanks for the tip about the airconditioning, A.A. Whew, it’s TOUGH not to switch my aircon on during winter hey! Six degrees in the car just isn’t quite chilly enough for my liking, but I’ll see what I can do.

 

I never want to see another one of these bastard ‘helpful hints’ lists again! They make me want to buy a Hummer, load it up with fridges, couches and fat people, and speed over to A.A headquarters at 5pm via Louis Botha avenue (where taxis go to cause death).


The Musical

04 06 08
 
Sad news, oh ye fans of musicals – the musical version of Gone with the Wind is closing down in 10 days’ time in London, three months ahead of schedule. This is apparently because the show has failed to draw large crowds.
You’d think they would have learnt, though – an earlier version staged 30 years ago was also a dud. Well, at least I know who I should contact to bring my musical musings to life.
 
We Need to Talk About Kevin – THE MUSICAL.  Watch as Kevin sings his way through his shooting of nine of his schoolmates in the school gym. Daniel Radcliffe tipped to play Kevin. Special guest: John Travolta as Kevin’s mom.
Hotel Rwanda – THE MUSICAL. Never before has genocide been set to such infectious drum beats. Highlights of the show include a rambunctious scene displaying the best weapons for hacking to death one’s tribal enemy, set in the tradition of Oliver!’s Fagan and his boys.
The Kite Runner – THE MUSICAL. Two Afghani boys bring racial hatred, rape and war alive set to vibrant and sultry Latino rhythms. Super-special opening night guest appearance by Jennifer Lopez as eight-year old Amir.
 
Chess –  THE MUSICAL. Watch a Russian and American fight over a gal while they PLAY CHESS!!!!!!!
Oh, Chess has been done? I paid money to watch that? Seriously???
Let’s have a moment of silence for all the unmade musicals.