This week is "Make the Dalai Lama lose his temper week" according to Benrik. I suspect the Lama-man might have stamped his foot a bit earlier this year when Chinese security forces bashed hundreds of Buddhist monks and other Tibetans. However, Benrik has helpfully suggested some other options to get him to lose his rag:
– Chant everything he says back to him
– Complain that yoga has damaged your back
– Bribe him to improve your karma
– Hum the Chinese national anthem
I neglected to dictate to you, my loyal readers and spambots, instructions how to spend the previous few weeks, as per the demands of "This Diary Will Change Your Life." (Seriously Benrik, I want some compensation for promoting your lunatic ravings for five months now! Next time I mention your suggestions, I will not credit you.) Last week we were under instructions to orgasm incessantly. That was a real bitch when I was running on the treadmill. Prior to that, it was "Volunteer for Jury duty" week. I was most disappointed that I could not partake in that worthwhile institution, owing to a judicial system in South Africa that does not provide for juries.
I would make a GRRRRRRRREAT juror! I would totally pull off the 'not being unfairly prejudiced' thing. I would be that juror with whom both the defence and prosecution would make passionate eye contact because I would wear my best most easily-influenced face…just like in Law and Order. Then, during deliberation with my other fabulous jury-mates, many of whom I would sleep with once we had served justice, I would turn on the friendly defence lawyer and proclaim that a Zimmerframe is a dangerous weapon when wielded by a maniacal 100-year old as she crosses the road, and that she deserves to be imprisoned with other criminals of her ilk – teenaged gangsters and herion-addicted drug smugglers.
I had a very bad night's sleep and you are paying the price for my steadily increasing insanity.