Hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of discombobulated South Africans are set to protest a clause in the draft SA Weather Service Amendment Bill, owing to what they maintain is an attempt to curtail ‘free speech’ throughout the republic.
The clause in the amendment Bill prohibits “anyone from issuing a severe weather warning without permission from the weather service,” according to an environmental affairs ministry spokesman.
This, however, is not what it seems, claims a little-known advocacy and conspiracy theorist group. The Society for the Promotion of Generic Conversation and Small Talk (SftPGCaST) maintains that this law is just the first step on the road to curtailing liberties.
“Without the freedom to announce Armageddon-esque weather warnings to friends, family members, colleagues, cashiers, people we’re stuck in a lift with, people we sit next to on planes and even pets, SA will disintegrate into a base, lawless society,” says SftPGCaST spokesman, John Borington.
He further explodes: “This is horrific news for the hordes of us who so love to ask people ‘is it hot/cold enough for you?’ and ‘it’s so cold/hot, I think I might freeze/melt’.”
This conversation-limiting decree, he added, could well mark the end of civil society: “Limiting small-talk topics is just the first move towards trying to stop people sharing the banal with one another. Mark my words, we will soon see legislation that forbids us talking about our infants’ bowel movements, and our various ailments and rashes. What then?!
At the same time, adult contemporary music fans and music programme managers are uneasy about potentional implications of the severe weather clause.
Advocacy group, The Michael Learns to Rock Appreciaters, has issued a statement bemoaning the impending ban what is argues could seriously impact the playlists of popular vintage radio stations, such as Jacaranda 94.2. Songs such as “(Your love is like a) heatwave”, “Cold as ice”, “The heat is on”, “I’m on fire”, “Ice, Ice Baby”, “Frozen” and “99.9 Fahrenheit degrees” are just some in the firing line.
Do you think they would be able to jail manic street preachers under the weather bill? “The end is nigh! Fire and brimstone shall consume the earth!”
Of course, Spear. Their inflammatory brand of ‘music’ must be put to death, quickly.